A Piece Of Wisdom On How To Sell A Used Car

"Victorious Secret" (victorioussecret) 01/29/2014 at 11:00 • Filed to: None

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From VWVortex of all places. I know, I'm shocked. VWVortex. What some might call the 9th circle of Hell. A place so foul even the Devil won't step near it. But every now and then, you get comic brilliance like this:

For someone who needs to sell this car you're not doing a very good job; your post makes you sound like a big ole' bag of dicks. I'm no longer interested in this car after reading your post but will spend a few minutes educating you on how to deal with people when trying to sell a car and how to not act like such a little ****head.


"do not ask me a million questions."

- What the hell makes you so special or your time worth so much that you're not willing to answer questions people have about the car? Do you really think some nutswinger is going to walk up to you and put $5k in your hand for this car without asking relevant questions? Pull your head out of your ass and wake up, junior.

"do not ask me if it passes inspection it has a sticker on it."

- A less *******-ish way to say this is, "the car passes inspection and has a current sticker." (for future reference) Quit being a dick, remember, YOU are the one trying to sell this car, YOU are the one who "needs" to sell this car. No one else NEEDS to buy this car from you so you're not doing anyone a favor, quit acting like it.


"I drive it every week. it is not my daily."

- This is good information

, how about a few more details? "I drive it every week, it's not my daily driver but it starts up every time without any issues; even in the dead of winter." "This car doesn't make any weird noises, blow smoke, and has no odd smells coming from the engine bay." Something like that might be a better selling point.


"do not ask me how many miles are on it the cluster is converted to miles and gallons so it isn't correct any ways."

- Go **** yourself. Seriously. If you're trying to sell a car you need to be the one providing accurate information. So the cluster was converted to miles/gallons, how was this done? Magic? Were there some little dwarfs in your dashboard doing calculations on pads of paper? Did they just convert it to miles/gallons by pulling some random numbers out of their asses? Did they just throw in a US spec cluster from a different car that had different mileage and not document what the difference was?

- How about, instead of sounding like some snot-nosed little 16 year old you provide some useful information. Depending on what actually happened something along the lines of "the mileage on the cluster is inaccurate because it was swapped out when imported to the US, actual mileage unknown." Or simply, "I don't know what the mileage is, the cluster isn't correct."


"do not ask me when the timing belt was done. I don't know I was planning on doing it, it should be done because theres not paper . work on the last time it was done. the belt itself is fine and probly has another good 40-50k on in but I would do it."

- More of this, "do not..." bull****. Well Mr. Fantastic Car Salesman, if we can't do this laundry list of things that typically occur during the sale of a vehicle, what the hell can we do? Are we allowed to wipe your ass for you after handing over $5k without asking any questions? Pretty please? Or maybe we could shine your shoes for you after we buy this car because we're so appreciative of the proper care and maintenance demonstrated on such a fine vehicle.

Everything after the first sentence above is contradictory. You say that it should be done because there's no paperwork saying it's done, tell us you planned on doing it but didn't (meaningless), and then go on to say that the belt itself is fine and has another 40-50k miles before needing replaced. What are you basing this assumption off of? Are you just pulling that number out of your ass, much like your $5000 asking price? You want top dollar for a car that's in mediocre condition but cannot provide anything outside of your baseless opinion that would help anyone determine the range of what the car is actually worth.

Look, ****-for-brains, the timing belt is a pretty big deal on a car and telling us that you were planning on doing it doesn't mean anything. I'm planning on making $1 billion dollars this year, hasn't happened yet but that was the plan...How about providing something useful, maybe a description of the timing belt or some pictures? A statement like, "I don't have any paperwork showing if/when the timing belt was changed but I took a look at it and the belt isn't frayed and does NOT look dry rotted." Having some pictures showing the belt would be a good start to serve as proof for someone who may be interested in this car.


"I have a fat stack of all the import paper work from 99 when it was broght (brought) here from Germany.
thanks for not waisting (wasting) my time"

- Well good for you. I'm glad you have a bunch of import paperwork that shows the car was brought to the US from Germany. What exactly do you want someone to glean from that statement? All that does is show that the car was not originally sold here. Ok, so now we have proof of that, which is a good thing. The import status can be verified. That doesn't mean **** though if you haven't taken care of the car and beat the **** out of it while not doing the required maintenance or fixing little issues as they came up (fender, rear bumper, etc..). The fact that the little things haven't been fixed and that you aren't able to provide some valuable information regarding the cars mechanical status tells me that you probably aren't very good at properly maintaining a car and that any potential buyer will have to fix/replace more than they were expecting.


Depending on what your goal of posting this car was, you may or may not achieved it. If you were hoping to drive people away so you can tell yourself or whomever the authority figure in your life is that you were unable to sell the car then congratulations. You've succeeded. You've proven, with one post, how much of an self-centered ******* you can be and why no one should ever purchase anything from you. If your goal was to actually determine if anyone was interested in buying this car (my guess from the "feeler" title) then you've failed, miserably.

If you've made it this far, go back up to the top and read this post again. Read through each and every little thing I said and try to understand why I said it. Try to understand what you can do to improve future for-sale posts if you ever want to sell a car. Maybe spending a couple hundred bucks and a few hours taking care of some maintenance items might help potential buyers feel more confident about the car and make them more willing to give you your asking price. Maybe washing the car and taking a few more pictures will help attract potential buyers. Maybe not being such a prick in your posts will make it easier for you to sell this car if you actually need to sell it. Or maybe I'm the ******* and everything I've said is wrong.

Click this for more lulz

Bob Loblaw Made Me Make a Phoney Phone Call to Edward Rooney > Victorious Secret 01/29/2014 at 11:03

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Poor guy, trapped there on the Vortex as the only half-intelligent soul.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Bob Loblaw Made Me Make a Phoney Phone Call to Edward Rooney 01/29/2014 at 11:06

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It fuels his rage, which according to this post is actually classifiable as a superpower. It's like the radiation of a yellow sun.

Victorious Secret > Bob Loblaw Made Me Make a Phoney Phone Call to Edward Rooney 01/29/2014 at 11:07

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I get the feeling that if you've been a particularly evil bastard in your previous life, you are forced to be a VWVortex member in this one.

Victorious Secret > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 01/29/2014 at 11:08

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And we all know who loves soaking up the radiation of a yellow sun...

t_s > Victorious Secret 01/29/2014 at 11:10

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What in splintering fuck is a 'feeler'? You're either selling the sodding thing or you aren't.

Agrajag > Victorious Secret 01/29/2014 at 11:12

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Could he not be bothered to remove the rolls of hardware cloth before he took this shot?

"That's a nice sunset. I'll take a shot of my asshat parking job. Should I remove the hardware cloth? Nah, it creates a neat effect in the way it blocks the remaining sunlight."

And the plate over plate is ridiculous. Is that something people do?

vdub_nut: scooter snob > Agrajag 01/29/2014 at 11:18

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Yes it is. Yes.... it is. It's so they can easily take the official plate off at shows, etc. then put it back on to drive. OR, at least, that's how it originated.

vdub_nut: scooter snob > t_s 01/29/2014 at 11:19

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"feeler" = "I'm gonna say it's not for sale at this high price, but it is".

AKA they list the price waaay high, in case some uber-enthusiast/desperate soul reeeeallly wants it.

Agrajag > vdub_nut: scooter snob 01/29/2014 at 11:22

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One would think one would remove it for photographs then.

Bad Idea Hat > Victorious Secret 01/29/2014 at 11:27

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As soon as I saw "fat stack", I said CP. I don't even know the price. Anyone who's going to use bullshit popular colloquialisms in a sales ad is also going to do something else stupid, or leave out a detail, or something. It's like the riders bands have for touring. The separated M&Ms are there to judge a venue's attention to detail, not because the band are prima donnas/crazy. It's so the band can tell, right off the bat, if the stage setup is going to start frying drummers or starting small, yet uncontained fires.

Yes, all the other comments the seller made were questionable, but a complete lack of professionalism in the ad is what puts me off immediately.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Bad Idea Hat 01/29/2014 at 11:37

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Recommended for the *real* reason behind no-brown-M&M test: it's very important to have warning flags.

Bad Idea Hat > RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht 01/29/2014 at 11:42

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I probably have too many warning flags. I'm famously nitpicky when it comes to everything.

I once turned tale and walked out of a store (that employs salespeople) because they talked over and around my wife, despite us being their for her purposes. They didn't know that, but the salesperson just pretended my wife wasn't there.

vdub_nut: scooter snob > Agrajag 01/29/2014 at 12:03

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See, that would involve effort.

Stupidru > vdub_nut: scooter snob 01/29/2014 at 12:18

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I know some people also throw a "feeler" out there when they plan on selling the car in the near future, but can't commit to selling it right now. AKA they're too poor to buy their replacement car before they sell their current car

Brewman15 > Victorious Secret 01/29/2014 at 14:10

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That.

Is.

Epic.

PS9 > Victorious Secret 01/29/2014 at 14:12

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Sold thanks for the criticism hope you can sleep and pretend to be happy with you're life's.

The seller's unmodified response...

PS9 > Bad Idea Hat 01/29/2014 at 14:15

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That's not nitpicky, that's called 'being a decent human being'. That's your wife. They can't show her just a modicum of respect they're expected to show everyone else, regardless of context? Fuck those people then.

TwoFortified > Agrajag 01/29/2014 at 16:32

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I agree with everything you said, except the plate-over-plate...

...For reasons that are purely aesthetic, I kind of like it.

aquila121 > PS9 01/29/2014 at 20:50

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I hate the fact that people like this have a "F*** it, close enough," attitude to using the English language. You should've been held back in English class, moron—if I could smack you with the keyboard you (wrongly) attempt to operate, I would.

PS9 > aquila121 01/29/2014 at 21:33

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Welcome to the 'No Child Left Behind' mentality, where it's better to pass someone through the system by the skin of their shitty grades than it is to punish failure to grasp the source material.